Paris English Forums

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006 Jokes

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all.”
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300o C. The Russians used a pencil.
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
_________________
xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 16 February 2006

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"
_________________
xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 24 March 2006

In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.
_________________
xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

xXx · Posted: 24 March 2006

[O.J.] Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!
_________________
xXx - Extrem Sports Master

Look at the Paris Commune. That was the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.

Frodo · Paris Forums Visitor Joined: 21 Mar 2005 Posts: 53

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
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There is only one Lord of the Ring, only one who can bend it to his will. And he does not share power.

Admin · Site Admin Joined: 27 Feb 2005 Posts: 90

hahaha, Frodo!
Very Happy

LooooooOooL
Typically French jokes Smile

tulaka · Paris Forums Frequenter Joined: 03 Sep 2008 Posts: 216

- I have two news for you, a good one and a bad one.
- What's the good one?
- Elvis is alive
- What's the bad one?
- We should better not see him